Fading Away: Consequences and Victim Blaming

Shunning is Spiritual Blackmail

I had an interesting experience recently. An elderly Jehovah's Witness man came to my door.

We exchanged pleasantries then got into the meat and bones. I told him I would never support any organization that through shunning, destroyed families.




He knew he couldn't wiggle out of that, since I'd had personal experience with shunning, so at that point, he triumphantly said, "You knew the consequences of leaving."

I said, "You have just admitted then that your organization does shun." He remained silent; he'd been caught out.

"And, let me ask you this," I said. "Did I create the "consequences?" He started to look uncomfortable. I drove the point home. "Has ANY person who has left, cooked up those consequences, i.e. losing their friends and family members and being shunned into perpetuity? Would any sane person willingly choose to inflict that incredible torment on themselves?"


He started to become agitated. "You brought this on yourself! You were the one who decided to leave."

I replied, "Yes, I did leave. But let me see... the Society has not only cooked up these particular consequences for any who disagree with their changing interpretations and for those who try to fade and/or leave this religion but then they turn the whole thing back on the person they shun in a 'blame the victim' scenario. Is that right? Isn't it curious how abusers almost always blame their victims? Food for thought, isn't it?"

He became so upset, he refused to give me his name, and he left.

After thinking it over, I called a local Kingdom Hall and left a message that one of their members had shown up alone, uninvited, had denied they shun and then had tried to turn it back on me. I said I found this behavior highly inappropriate and offensive. And I requested that this gentleman not return.

Outsider & Insider Language

Interestingly enough at JW.Org they publicly paint a picture that those who leave aren't shunned. This is what I call outsider language. How so? To someone uninitiated in the inner workings/protocol of this organization, the public statements sound benign. In their article, Do Jehovah's Witnesses Shun Former Members of Their Religion?, they state: Those who were baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses but no longer preach to others, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned. In fact, we reach out to them and try to rekindle their spiritual interest.

This all sounds well and good but who does the actual reaching out? Is it members? Do they spend time with and accept someone who has left, treating them normally? 

The reality is that it is elders that make a visit with the sole objective of getting the person who has left to return, if they deem this individual hasn't committed a disfellowshipping offense; however, an elder-visit is a far cry from actual association. 

Someone who tries to fade away is viewed as spiritually weak and as someone who might pose a spiritual hazard to members and this one would be considered bad association. This is the insider language. And members are repeatedly admonished to choose their associates wisely. Someone who has left is generally avoided and any association with them is extremely limited.

Another scenario that plays out frequently is that someone who has left is shunned. There are many former Witnesses who found they didn't agree with the interpretations of scripture, the date-setting, and other policies, such as refusal to report child molesters or failure to warn parents when suspected pedophiles were members of congregations. These people didn't leave because of not believing in God and Christ; however, in the typical fashion employed by Doomsday cults, they have been labeled apostates, cut off as if dead, and shunned decade after decade. And relationships with their JW family members have been completely destroyed. 

So contrary to the public claims made, those who leave are in most cases shunned. 

Recap: those who leave face "consequences" and are then blamed by the shunners as bringing the shunning on themselves, contrary to public denials that shunning occurs.

Resources

The Watchtower Steps Up Their Demands to Shun, Even Family

News Bulletin: Watchtower tightens shunning rules to include “sinful” inactive ones